The Top 15 Albums of 2016

2017 is upon us! Well that only took way too freakin’ long. Little elaboration is necessary to explain that 2016 was an abysmal year, unless you’re a neo-Nazi or a subterranean critter feasting away in a Hollywood cemetery. I wonder how long it will be before college students can take “2016” as an entire course in political science, history, or sociology. My guess is by 2050, assuming we’re all still around for it.

It was also a brutal 12 month stretch for me personally. I resigned to moving back in with my parents, continued to fail in the job search, and dealt with some turbulence in the stormy realm between my ears.

But the silver lining of 2016 was easily the omnipresent distraction culture, entertainment available at our fingertips whenever we want it at little to no financial burden. I surmise it will ultimately prove to be either the undoing or salvation of the powerless masses as we descend into a Phillip K. Dick-esque dystopia. What I’m trying to say is: music is good; and no matter how much the literal and metaphorical world crumbles around us, it will always be there. Along with pro wrestling and Game of Thrones, music provided a lot of solace for me in 2016, proving capable of yanking me out of the most constrictive feelings of entropy.

The good news is more music is being made than ever before, a trend that will continue in years to come. And thanks to Spotify, Bandcamp, Soundcloud and whatever app will soon arrive to drive my data bill up the wall, it’s easier than ever to discover and appreciate practically everything on the market.

I was originally going to write a traditional Top 10, but the sheer quantity of quality music this year made it seem a too-narrow testament, so I’m expanding it to 15. Here are, based on my personal tastes, the 2016 albums most worthy of your time and attention.

Running From Trump: America Calls Its Own Bluff

Photo: freedomsphoenix.com

I had a bit in my stand up routine where I mocked all those who vowed to evacuate the United States following the presidential election. When I performed it, I said it applied to people fearing both Hilary and Trump, but in writing it, I really only had the Trump opposition in mind.

It went along the lines of, “To everyone planning on packing up and getting out for the next four years, wherever you go, I hope you realize that at some point you’re going to have to explain that you are an American political refugee.”

‘Doctor Strange’ Actually Quite Ordinary, And Not All That Good

Photo: comicbook.com

Imagine eating a rich, dark, brick of the finest artisan fudge. The first bite you take from it is almost overpowering with flavor. The second is, while not quite as profound, still immensely satisfying. As you continue to chomp away at the fudge in rapid succession, you notice that by your seventh or eighth mouthful that much of the flavor has diminished, and that you’re chewing on a piece of creamy, masterfully crafted plaster. “Doctor Strange,” the newest entry into the increasingly omnipresent Marvel cinematic universe, is that eighth bite of fudge, a victim of overindulgence.